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OR
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Nov 5, 2008

What to do?

I am sad, bewildered, and I think mostly pissed. It's hard to know.

What to do now?

Really I just want to ask everyone I come in contact with how they voted on prop 8.
And if they voted yes- I want to say FUCK YOU!!




edited to add the photo- since I was tagged by Gwendomama!



Don't you get it? Don't you get how it feels to be marginalized? Don't you get how you've just told me that my love, my life, is wrong? Don't you get that there is a separation of church and state? If your particular brand of religion is against gay marriage- so be it. Stay out of the constitution.

How do I look at the playground aide, the brownie troop leader, the mom who gave us a meal after Käri had surgery who says "they're okay, but not the rest of those gay people?


I'm sure it's displaced anger. Anger at myself for not doing more, saying more, being more outspoken to everyone, anger at 52% of Californians.

It's a strange place to be. I wish I could speak more eloquently about it all- this will have to do.
For now.


We have received several e-mails and phone calls commiserating, expressing their sorrow at 8's passing and overall expressing their support for us and our family. Awfully nice.





16 comments:

velocibadgergirl said...

I don't live in California and couldn't vote on this one, but I'm so disappointed that it was passed. I hope it helps a bit to know that not everyone wants this, and that even people in the often-backwards Midwest were rooting for you :(

Amy said...

Tricia, I don't have words for how sad I am. I have been thinking about you and your family a lot in the last couple of days - not because "you're OK and the rest fo those gay people are not", but rather because you put such a human face to a very discriminatory vote. I'm sorry. For you and so many others whom Prop 8 affected so very personally. I can only hope that we do better by you the next time around and in the meantime, in our daily actions and choices.

Annie said...

YES. I was reading a comment thread after a mommy-blogger posted her opinion on Prop 8, where someone said something like, "It is so interesting to read the comments of your readers, whether they agree or disagree with you. I am so glad to see how civil everyone is being!"
Don't get me wrong: I think it is usually the best policy, to be polite and considerate and calm when talking to someone you disagree with. But the idea that I am obliged to? These people want to hurt my family. That is it, and that is all.

Erika said...

Maybe it's time for us to be angry. Maybe it's time for us to take to the streets, to stand against fire hoses, to turn over squad cars. The current headline on yahoo reads "Gay couples disappointed by gay marriage ban". Disappointed? Like, 'Oh, no, I missed the ice cream truck' or 'I wish Susan Lucci hadn't been voted off Dancing with the Stars'? Right. Disappointed covers it. Try pissed as hell and not going to take it anymore.

MommyNay said...

I totally get what you are saying(duh, right?)I feel so (still cant find the right words) looking into the faces of my children's teachers and the mothers of their peers. Seeing all the signs and bumper stickers as I drive past our neighborhood schools. Birthday parties for our children's classmates, seeing YES on 8 signs in their front yards and not wanting to allow my child to attend the party. Even trick or treating we struggled with watching the excited unassuming couple doting over our children's costumes and just wanting to point out the sign in their yard and sticker on their car and ask them how they can do such a hateful thing as to support this act of bigoted discrimination..knowing all the while saying anything would be pointless at that point and that in the end they'd only feel "sorry" for our poor children and let us know they'd pray for them or some condesending remark such as that. I'll be honest considering what we have been through/seen over the past few weeks Im actually amazed it was as close as it was. More yards in our town than not had signs and peoples cars were covered in multiple signs stickers, at Olivias back to school night we saw the majority of parents wearing yes on 8 pins. It really makes me want to move. My friends tell me running isn't the answer. I sorta get that but why stay here and live around such small minded bigots? Are these the people I want my children growing up around?
Raechelle pointed out to me that our fight is still young, that its not over yet and that we will get there. People say electing Obama is proof that our country is progressing. On one hand I agree with that, but I find it a stretch at best when I hear that racism is a thing of the past now just because our president elect is black. I think we are moving in the right direction, I just think the fact that we have to accept the process and time it takes that is so hurtful. Are we really that bad? Is our asking for equal rights really going to somehow lower the morale of our country and threaten the foundation of our children's futures the way "they"(being the majority of California voters)say or fear it will. Also if our ability to have equal rights under the law threatens them so much, what does that REALLY say about their foundation and principles anyway?

Cathy said...

I don't live in California. I live in a state that wears its' ignorance as a badge of pride. I was stunned that 8 and others like it, passed. It is time for more aggressive, country-wide actions to fight back against prejudice and fear. I can't allow laws that might someday block my children's happiness.

gwendomama said...

i think your anger is legitimate.
maybe i just say that to justify my own anger, of which i have plenty.

anger for solidarity isn't admirable, but it's hard to get rid of.

Tracey said...

I still can't believe that CALIFORNIA voted this way... CA is supposed to be the most progressive state, not the LEAST.

I'm so, so sorry that this prejudice isn't equated with that of racism or sexism. That people think of homosexuality and the families that are created BECAUSE of it as anything less than a FAMILY with RIGHTS.

You have my love and, were I a Californian, my vote.

StephLove said...

I'm not a California, but this does sting.

In the long run I think history will on our side. It's so frustrating to see it taking a step backwards though. I tell people my partner and I have been engaged for 17 years. Straight people look confused for a minute until they get it. Gay people just give me a wry smile.

suburban dyke said...

We should try to fight Proposition 8 which takes away rights already granted.
Please consider a boycott of Sundance, Utah and Mormons
http://www.americablog.com/2008/11/why-is-sundance-film-festival-taking.html
or donating money to the Northern California ACLU
http://www.aclunc.org/ .
I am not affiliated with either. I am just trying to make a difference. Thanks.

Tera Rose said...

well, if all still fails, you can come over here to Connecticut...park out in my yard or living room...it's legal here...imagine that, connecticut more progressive on any issue than california...bizarre days we live in....I'm joking. honestly, I am very sorry for you.

still can't get past 8 kids but trying like hell.

oh, I think I figured it out...it's easy for you, you have a wife! that's it! I have a husband...so actually even with my 4, I have more "kids" than you! HA

hey, maybe we can all come to california and march.........????

Bacchus said...

I'm not so sure Erika is wrong. We've been fighting politely for so long. I don't know about others but yesterday would not have been a good day for me to know someone had voted yes. I know they did even here in SF but... I was ready to rally at the steps of the churches who did this. I want the rally last night to include pitchforks and torches and end with a march to the very people who did this to us.

I'm not sure that I'll be able to think of California as the safe place I had until now. Did you make it to the protest last night?

Tricia said...

Thanks for all the kind words and comments- solidarity and well wishes!

Bacchus-

I did not make it to a protest. As far as I know there wasn't one in my area-

Anonymous said...

You know, not everyone who voted yes on Prop. 8 is some sort of neo-religious nut...

Tricia said...

Unfortunately, I do know.

I wish it were so, because then I could focus my energy towards one faction, blame one group, for stripping me of my rights.

On a side note- I did not call anyone names.

angelina (in oakland) said...

We got married - first time, no prior committment ceremonies, or anything, real deal, party, cake, friends, family - on Friday, October 31st. Then Tuesday happened. We've been in mourning since, even with our excitement about our new president, and our one-week anniversary. I've been feeling the same way about asking everyone how they voted, but I'd probably just cry if they said 'yes'... I have anger, lots, and sadness and confusion... Every No on 8 sticker I see, every apologetic face or voice, helps. A stranger offered me condolences; it helped, they all help a little. And now I've got to engage fully in this new struggle. Thank you for giving voice, in your blog to your feelings. Selfishly, it helps...