If I know you, and you're reading this blog, you have two choices:

1) Feel free to pretend you haven't, should the contents be offensive, sensitive in nature, or just TMI (Too Much Information).
2) Comment freely or talk to me face to face, and be prepared for further honesty and opinions.

Okay? Okay.

Apr 29, 2008

Just Wondering

Over the weekend I cracked a few lesbian jokes with some straight friends. They didn't laugh. They didn't get them. Not really. I pointed out that it was no fun telling lesbian jokes to straight people. They tittered and that was that.

No offense, no big deal...But it made me think about race and prejudice and how in some small way, I can relate to how it feels to feel perceived as an outsider. It's impossible to escape this. Even in writing this down, I thought about how some people will just turn off because it's just lesbian agenda stuff-

Oh, well. I write for me.

It's odd this, and perhaps other people (white, straight people) feel it to in a way that I don't understand because I don't walk in their shoes. A part of me wants to force the knowledge of being different than the norm, feeling different than the norm, down everybody's throat- screaming "don't you get it???". How could they though? We all live our lives. A man could no more perceive what it's like to live as a woman even if he behaved and dressed like a woman, because inside he is culturally, biologically, and socially a man.

Which makes me wonder about transsexuals. I have never known one well enough to observe or ask their partner if they acted like a bona fide stereotypical woman or man..hmmm. Maybe there is a study out there. I'll check into that as soon as I can figure out the right phrase to google.

A long time ago I read Black Like Me- a fabulous book about a man who took a pigment changing medication to become "black". I put that in quotes because inside he was all Caucasian. So while he conducted this social study and wrote a book about it- it was all from a white perspective. I am not criticizing the author. I am simply pointing out that he writes of his experiences traveling as a black man, but he isn't. As a side note, I should re-read this book .

Back to my point... Other lesbians get the lesbian jokes- they laugh, if they are funny. I don't know if I would laugh at a black joke told by a black person for fear of offending the person. What if it was not really meant to be funny and I laughed. Would I hurt their feelings? Would I be acting prejudicial?

I was raised by straight parents to be a straight woman. And I have lived as an out lesbian for the last twenty some odd years. Essentially half and half. I can go both ways. And mostly I behave myself in the ways of the straight world. When I am in a group of straight women who are talking about their sex lives, I rarely contribute- they don't want to hear about my sex life. It's uncomfortable for most of them- and straight men? please..let's not go there.

It's confining. Some days I yearn for lesbian company so I can drop the pretense, talk about sex, not have to explain everything, just for it to be easy. Mostly, it doesn't matter, much.

And while wildly different, I wonder if this is what it is like all day for a black person to walk in an environment where the others are all white?

Jackie, poor Jackie

Jack, stretched across my lap, as I type one handed- my left arm asleep from the elbow down, his head laying on it, sick, sleeping. He's MISERABLE!

Day 6, high fever 103, 104.8 was the highest...herpes, simplex 1- Cold sores everywhere, lips, tongue, gums, inside of his cheeks, throat- hasn't eaten, but bits of Jello, pudding... Gatorade, water, Icee to drink, all with a straw- even medicine with a straw. Motrin, Tylenol, Maalox, benadryl, Lidacane swish in the mouth to numb the pain. Codeine... for sleeping. Like making him drink bleach, cries, whines, spits, drools...

He moves, stretches, I move my arm, take a picture of the sleeping boy. Thank me for not getting the swollen lips, massive sores, in the picture. His breath? Putrid, like something died in his mouth.

Edited to add: I forgot to say that Abe woke with a fever of 102º at 4:30 this morning and by this afternoon was 104º (Jack started with a high fever and no other discernible symptoms too). Gus has a couple of sores but no fever... both boys have started medicine to prevent this loveliness from getting as bad as Jack... Yeesh... let's hope it works!

Apr 21, 2008

Turn off Week

I'm a little late to the party since "Turn off Week "officially started yesterday, but I'm turning off starting today!

When I come back I'm thinking about being a little more regular. Lately, my head has been swimming and making it hard to focus. I think if I write more regularly, even if it's just nonsense, I'm a bit clearer- kind of like crossing things off the list.

I was going to write about a fabulous 24 hours off from the kids. I surprised K with a night at a local fancy hotel- didn't do anything to speak of, but it sure was nice. And then I was overwhelmed by the sudden death of one of Leo's classmates fathers... then I was tempted to show a picture of the disgusting growth on my lip- cold sore,- yuck, kids playing in the spring, bad hair day for Leo...!

Oh, so much...

Had a scrapping event here at the house Saturday night- very fun, actually. I don't scrap- that's Käri's hobby (our house hasn't been this clean in quite some time- just don't look in the garage)...and then woke up at 3:15 a.m. early Sunday morning with the stomach flu- that was fun. Recovering nicely, thank you.

Off to turn 8 brown bananas into bread... See ya' after the 26th.

I'll be at Relay for Life walking the track to help cure cancer on the 26th thru the 27th... It's not too late to donate So far, friends and family have raised $250.00!!!!

Apr 18, 2008

Strawberries in April

Even princesses have to eat.

And, why, yes, she is naked. Don't all toddlers eat naked?

Apr 16, 2008


Pretty as a Peacock!! Hello, look at those spiky spikes in the back!!
We'll see what it looks like tomorrow.

Still working on taking these self portraits...

Abe, getting in on the action.

Apr 10, 2008

a little Ouch

Nothing a little diaper creme won't fix!

We can't decide if she needs speech or it's just her personality...I swear she thinks she's an only child. Juj always wants to be held and still drinks from a bottle. Her receptive language is fabulous, but she should be talking more at 26 months old!! And don't you just love Ruby coming in for a piece of the action. "Hey, if she has an ouch, I have one too, I'll just get my own jar of creme!"

And by the way, the boxes in the back, over in the corner, behind the portable crib, those, yeah, those, have been there since we moved in, 2.5 years ago! And that big lump of fabric strewn over the chair in the background? Those would be the drapes that hang over our sliding glass door, that the little girls ripped out of the wall during a rowdy game of hide-n-seek, last week. Let's just see how long it takes to put those back up, shall we! (I have another set that they pulled out a month or so ago from the living room, thrown in a different corner, somewhere.)

Apr 8, 2008

shits and giggles

Well, yes, I do need a haircut. Why do you ask???

It was driving me crazy this evening so I grabbed a pony holder and this was the result. Just for the record, I don't put stuff in my hair- clips, barrettes, ponys, whatever. No way, no how. Left over trauma from when I was a child and had long hair. My mother would put clips in and ponys... it would hurt and I would cry and scream. Tender headed, I don't even let my kids mess around with my hair.

What a time I had trying to get this shot... it took 18 tries.

Here's a few of my attempts for kicks. Go ahead, laugh, I did!

Apr 6, 2008

Feeling the Love

For the kids, for the food... really.

They love bacon- me too.

The pannycakes? Those were for me. Can you see the steam?

After they had their fill of bacon, toast and o.j., I had to mix it up and have some sweet with the salt. Mmmmmmm, good!

Apr 5, 2008

Leaving in an Excursion (in a few months anyway)

I decided to go- can't afford it, but I'm going to BlogHer.

I'll be the one in jeans and a t-shirt, amidst the fancily clad.

Oh, well.

Apr 4, 2008

7 Lame Things

  1. Cars that don't pull to the right when an emergency vehicle is bearing down on them lights and sirens, blaring.
  2. Cars, that after pulling to the side of the road to let an emergency vehicle pass, take it as an opportunity to race ahead of you, almost causing an incident requiring the attendance of another emergency vehicle.
  3. Parents having to deal with the death or loss (kidnapping, runaway...) of a child.
  4. Rude people.
  5. The little news blurb announcing the celebration of the anniversary of viagra- (sorry, just one of those what the hell...whoo hoo, they discovered a medicine that gives men an instant hard on, but they can't find money to fight aids, breast cancer, feed the homeless...)
  6. Having to pay for 'feminine hygiene products', you know, tampons, pads. Why are they so freaking expensive, and every woman needs 'em. Why can't they be free?
  7. Daylight Saving Time. It's ridiculous, do away with it already.

Those are my top seven, at the moment. Tomorrow may be a totally different story. You? Thanks Gwendomama, that was kinda fun.

Apr 2, 2008

This Morning

This morning I sat in the parking lot, safely ensconced within the confines of my van, the girls were happily chattering, while I took care of some banking business. I watched the comings and goings of folks taking care of business, shopping, banking, and listen to my music, enjoying the sunshine and the relative peace of the morning all the rest of the troops were at school.

Some employees emerged from a local chain craft store and stood in front of the front doors for their morning cigarette break. I watched them laugh with one another, get ready for their day, the customers looking for dried flowers, cake tins, and scrapbooking supplies. One by one, they finished their cigarettes, finished their morning ritual, and returned to the inside of the store.

One by one, they flicked their cigarettes into the parking lot- three of the four still burning.

I wanted to beep my horn and gesture wildly, maybe yell. Instead, I sat, I watched, I let my blood pressure settle.

The girls and I unloaded and took care of the banking and took a little trip to the craft store.
I went in and asked to speak to the manager. He came to the front of the store- one of the smokers. I came this far...

I prefaced my comments by saying this was not something I make a habit of doing-- and while I was taking care of some banking this morning, I noticed he and three other employees, threw their cigarettes, three still burning, into the parking lot. He nodded and remarked that the lot is cleaned twice a day by a street cleaner- I tilted my head and responded with "yeah, still..."
He said "I guess, I know what you mean" And that was that.

Maybe tomorrow morning we should go stake it out- hmmm.

To say something or not? What would you do?