If I know you, and you're reading this blog, you have two choices:

1) Feel free to pretend you haven't, should the contents be offensive, sensitive in nature, or just TMI (Too Much Information).
2) Comment freely or talk to me face to face, and be prepared for further honesty and opinions.

Okay? Okay.

May 27, 2007

There's Always Room For More

Vital Statistics:

Lhasa Apso and Pomeranian mix
B.D. March 29, 2007
Name: Dixie (An anti-bush nod)

Just because we're kinda insane! Who wouldn't want a house with eight children under the age of 11, one chicken, one cat, two turtles, three fish, twelve canaries (we had three more babies this morning!) and now, THREE dogs? Wanna come over?

Wait, I was just informed we get the six classroom fire belly toads for the summer as well! Yay!

She has a darling brother that's still available... :)

May 23, 2007

America Not Founded On Christianity

Found this over at Hollywood Farm Girl- thought it should be repeated. A letter to the editor from the Journal & Courier, Lafayette, Indiana.

In a recent Journal & Courier article, an attendee of a local gathering in observance of the National Day of Prayer alleged, "Our nation was founded on biblical principles."

To the extent that our Founding Fathers had any religious affiliation at all, it was a tepid embracing of the philosophy of deism, a popular system of thought at the time. Jefferson, Franklin, Paine, among many others, held deist, rather than Christian, religious beliefs.

The two documents upon which our country was actually founded -- i.e., the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution of the United States -- contain not a word about Christianity, Christian principles, the Bible or Jesus Christ. Neither is there any mention of the Ten Commandments, heaven, prayer or being saved.

In 1797, the Treaty of Tripoli, negotiated by none other than George Washington, declared that "the government of the United States is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion." Congress unanimously approved the text of this treaty, and John Adams signed it.

Mandatory church affiliation, among other factors, led to the establishment of the term a "wall of separation between church and state," allowing, at each citizen's discretion, freedom of religion or freedom from religion.

The phrase "under God" was added to the Pledge of Allegiance in 1954, and our national motto became "In God We Trust" in 1956 in response to USSRs' so-called "godless Communists." It is historically incorrect to claim that America was founded upon Christianity.

Indeed, it was quite the opposite.

Randall S. Smith

Rossville, Indiana


It's Official

Really, just a formality... they've always been ours, in a way... but still...

May 10, 2007

Blonde Highlights

The other night my oldest boy walks closer to me and says

"You have blonde highlights, I didn't know you had those"

I start running my fingers through my hair, thinking, what the hell is in my hair that is making it look blonde...? Cuz, I have dark brown hair, hello????

I tilt my head to the side and let Leo examine my hair. All the while Käri observes from a few feet away, looking quizzically my way. We exchange a "What the hell??' look.

And then, finally, Leo exclaims "Oh, it's just gray!"

Thanks son, for pointing that out!

May 9, 2007

Happily Ever After (or Part II)

Fall of 88 brought my last semester of college, a practicum course teaching preschool in the University Child Development Lab, moving into my girlfriends house- while she moved a few hours away to begin her career in teaching- and my 22nd birthday (God, that sounds young now). I was in that place of 'what's going to happen next'? I was finishing 4.5 years of college with no firm plans of where to go next. Where to move? Where will I find a job? What will I do with the rest of my life? I had always wanted to travel around the US, or really anywhere, with a VW van and a dog. I had the dog already... The one thing I did know was that in nine months I would have to start repaying my student loans. A job seemed inevitable.

I had been visiting my girlfriend on the weekends- she couldn't possibly come see me with the new job and all- and during our last weekend together she had told me, out of the blue- "you know, if I had to choose between you being my friend, or my girlfriend, I would choose my friend" WTF? She was older than me by a few years and in control (somewhat) of our relationship. Looking back now I recognize it as one of the few times in my life that I felt a certain sense of powerlessness and vulnerability. I relate it to being involved with a woman for the first time and really participating in my first long term relationship. But I digress.

The Child Development Lab practicum was intense. The instructor was very demanding and it was a lot of work. I couldn't believe that Käri had not warned me ahead of time, since she had just finished. I decided to hunt her down and tell her so. I knew where her parents lived, so I called information and got her parents #. Her parents were kind enough to give me her # at graduate school. And so began a few weeks of non-stop talking by phone. Those endless phone calls where no one really wants to hang up- so they just keep going on and on. We talked about school, family, girlfriends...life. Never once did we discuss "us". Or what might be happening here.

I do remember one particular conversation where I griped about the girlfriend never coming to see me and that she had better come for my birthday and bring me something good! Kär said she'd meet me halfway if my girlfriend offered some lame excuse to miss my big day. The girlfriend came- but I was kinda hoping she wouldn't-.

Käri still had other friends in town and a few of them were going to be performing in a local theater ensemble. They invited her up to watch. So, even though Kär had others she could stay with she asked if she could stay with me. In fact, I think it went a little like this. "If I can't stay with you, I won't come". Who was I to say no? Makes my belly a little jittery even now.

So there I was in my driveway, washing my truck, when she pulled up. Matching outfit, birks, curly blond hair, green ray ban's. Such the fashionista! Suddenly, I was a bit of a wreck, give her a hug? touch her? Yikes! The emotions I had been keeping under wraps were eking out and I was now, very aware of them. What was happening here?

We spent the evening having a few drinks, meeting some friends, having a few more drinks, then to the only gay bar in town (shots of tequila were involved here), and finally ending up at Lyons restaurant for some late night, slightly inebriated, banter. (We must have had dinner some where along the way, but I can't seem to remember that detail.) As I recall, we talked about the world series, and answered questions like "if you were a car, what kind of car would you be?" There was a definite undercurrent of emotions and tension.

The next morning came quickly. After a night full of "what are you talking about?", countered with the oh so intelligent "well what are you talking about?", it was obvious, there was much to figure out. Kär had split with her previous girlfriend for good, but I was still tenuously with mine. Oops.

Käri never made it to her friends performance the next night. As she left my house at the end of the weekend, the phone rang. It was my girlfriend, who over the next three hours, became my ex-girlfriend.

AT&T sent us thank you notes with our bills over the next few months, there were a few weekend trips, and two months later, Käri and I were living together. This October we will celebrate 19 years! We did get married in SF a few years back, but that was more of a political statement then anything else. Although, we did have a surprise wedding shower a few months later. Since the gay and lesbian weddings were all annulled, we are now living in sin, with eight children. Oh, well.

The Children. Well. There was never any doubt that we wanted to have children. If it had been only up to me they would have started appearing in our house about three years into our relationship. We waited eight years.

How our children came into our family will have to wait for another day...

May 7, 2007


There is something odd going on when only taking five kids, under the age of five, grocery shopping is better than taking all eight... Grrrrrr...... And then when they want to help unload the van and promise to take only one gallon of milk in at a time and then forget, and walk around the house with one because they have dropped the other one- "but, it's okay mama I can clean it all up" said while making a grand sweeping motion with both arms over the floor- while thank you very much, I am just trying to finally pee and make sure I haven't hemorrhaged all over... Double Grrrr... And then you have to clean it all with a mop several times on the hardwood floor while the babies are trying to play in it and one has poopy pants and the other is writhing around on the floor because she still wants to be held when she drinks her bottle that she is never going to give up and please just take the babies outside and play with them until I get this cleaned up while the groceries melt because it is 85 out and...and...

What did you do today, honey???

May 5, 2007

Once Upon A Time

We met in the Spring of 88, In a Marriage and Family class. We also had a research class in common that semester.

I was comfortable in my very loose 501's, t-shirt, tennies, white socks, and quite often, a somewhat oversized, purple, flannel shirt. I rode a mountain bike and carried my seat around with me so it wouldn't be stolen while it was locked up. Not only did I carry a backpack for my school things, but I also wore a fanny pack- as a purse. My hair was shaggy. I was always just a tad late and had to walk past the instructor to get to my seat in the back. I'm sure I was quite the sight. I have a picture in my mind...

She wore keds, ankle length, peach, lacey, socks (although, I must point out that I have been corrected many times- they were not lace- just sort of holey, in a feminine kinda way), Bermuda type, peach, plaid, shorts, and matching shirt. She wore a "walking wallet" to hold her essentials and also carried a backpack- don't most college students?? Long, blond, permed, hair and sat towards the front.

After class we exchanged glances and the pleasantries. Somehow we discovered we had mutual friends. I felt a pull towards her and would look forward to seeing her at our classes. When I asked my friend about her, I was assured she was a straight, Christian girl. And although we shared the same major, we had never met before. Still there was this draw. She was so familiar.

The semester moved forward and we started spending more time together. We would talk and talk and talk. She asked me to go shopping with her to pick out a graduation outfit. We had dinner, once. Hung out at the park with a six pack more than once. I introduced her to Tracy Chapman. She drove a red convertible rabbit with a black top with personalized plates that read 'sokari'. I drove a small brown toyota pickup truck with a shell. I have this one memory of sitting in a parking lot in the car for hours, talking.

My girlfriend told me I could only see Käri during daylight hours. I laughed. We were friends, fast and furious friends, but only friends. Really.

I had just come out, sort of, November 87. I was in my first relationship with a woman. The coming out experience, for me, was awful.

A woman I had befriended, confessed she was falling in love with me. We were out having drinks. I can see myself- sitting, feet on the chair, chin on my knees, arms wrapped around my legs, shaking. There was a realization on my part, that I was also attracted to her, but I was straight. I liked boys, men. The more "grizzly adams" type the better. A few hours later I received a phone call telling me a close friend had, quite literally, fallen over dead on his college campus. I spent the next 3 or 4 weeks in quite a state. I was depressed and confused. I couldn't eat and lost about 30 pounds. In the end, it was Brent's dying that was the catalyst in helping me figure out that you can't help who you have feelings for or fall in love with, man or woman.

While Käri and I were getting to know each other, she confessed that she had been secretly involved with another woman for a few years. They were both involved in a Christian organization through school. As a good Christian, the other woman could not admit the relationship was happening and so it was never discussed.

Nothing, but a lot of time and talking passed between Käri and me and as the school year ended, Käri graduated and moved out of town. I gave her a parting gift of a roll of toilet paper and she left. We saw each other once, early in the summer, each with our respective girlfriends and that was it. Until October of 88.

To be continued.

An Alternative Lifestyle

I find it funny-meaning odd- that we are such a mystery. Over and over again people are confused by our relationship. Sometimes it is pure curiosity- and I don't mind answering questions- truly I don't. And then there are other times when people just don't take a minute to think. And for those who can't stand the thought of imagining us living a normal completely non-alternative lifestyle, because the idea of two women in bed together makes you sick to your stomach, don't imagine it. I don't imagine you.

Somehow we find ourselves in situations where we appear to be educating folks. This is our family. This is who we are.

If you have had a partner for a significant amount of time, guess what? We argue about the same things, talk about the same things and do, pretty much the same things. If you have children, we face the same challenges, dilemmas, and good times.

We wish we had more time for ourselves and that the kids behaved better, sometimes, and that we had more money.

Thankfully, we have rarely been in hurtful, discriminatory, circumstances. Generally, people seem to make these comments behind our backs. Occasionally, we hear them through friends. There was the one time that we were blasted by a local paper. The article accused us of being a "well connected lesbian couple" (connected to who, I kept wondering...gas company, water company???) who were "stealing another family's children". That was fun.

Our home is not decorated with Melissa Etheridge posters. We watch the same t.v. shows. And go to bed early whenever possible, because with eight kids, we are always tired.

Our kids are essentially normal. Just like us.

But, if there are questions, let me know.

Edited 5/5/07

I started this, ironically enough, on my parents 48th wedding anniversary, a few weeks back. Not sure where it came from, but there it is. I wonder, a lot, how life would be different if gay and lesbian relationships were give official recognition and people would just get their heads out of their asses. Why are more people concerned with my marriage and how it is eroding heterosexual marriage (the divorce rate is so low, right?) than our lying, cheating, law breaking, president?

And now it is time for making some tacos and burritos for dinner. It is Cinco de Mayo, don't ya know?