Miracle at St. Anna

I left the movie feeling ashamed and embarrassed to be a white person. Recognizing that I wasn't one of the characters in the movie. Knowing I wasn't a racist asshole, but still embarrassed. I looked at the posters that the Nazi's plastered on the wall in Italy with disgust and wondered how and why they reminded me of caricatures of black people eating watermelon.

Do all people see those images in their minds eye? Was it something I've seen before so it reminded me of that? Is it because I'm white and inherently racist towards others of a different color that the image floated into my brain? Am I inherently racist? Does being white make me prejudiced?

For years now I've wanted to adopt a black baby. Is that because I have some old fashioned, distorted, racist, view of "all black babies being cute". Or because of a dream that I have had about having a little African American boy in my home- a real dream? Or is it the fantasy of having so many children all different shades of browns and pinks? Or is it my need to rescue and help and being haunted by the images of the orphanages in Africa?

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Welcome

The mystery reader came forward!

Ana!!

And everyone else too!!!

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Stat Counter

I rarely look at my stats- tonight I wandered over...Someone is reading every single one of my posts- or most of them anyway. Many on the 22!

Who are you- come on 'fess up!!! I'm so curious.

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Assumptions

When Religion Ruled The World- they called it the dark ages. Hmmm..good bumper sticker.

I'm on my way to pick up my kindergartners, windows down, music blaring in the 15 passenger van, when up pulls a mini van. A bit disheveled, older, tan van with an elderly occupant in similar condition. We are stopped at a red light, idling away. He looks at me, can't quite get the view he wants, so scoots up for a better look. His window is open, he looks again, stares, smiles, guffaws and yells through the opening.

"Ya got a bunch a kids packed in there?"

I nod, smile, "Yep". (Only two at the moment, but it's usually packed with kids).

"Bwahaha" he responds. A slight smile plays on his elderly face. And off we go.

Friendly, Critical... I don't know.

As he pulls in front of us I read his bumper sticker.


When Religion Ruled The World- they called it the dark ages.


Not what I expected. I love that. When my assumption, my leap to a stereotype, perhaps, blows me away. The crinkled up face, dangling cigarette, age of the vehicle. I would have expected a Bush '04 sticker, not something I could relate too, laugh at, and appreciate.



P.S. Did you notice my kids have faces???

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Towers

I joined Facebook. I did. Weird. Another new adventure to explore. Cole referred to it as Face Crack- Oh my, all I need, another addiction. I'm always curious about people I used to know and thought this might be a groovy way to check them out... We'll see.

A friend from way back that I found on Facebook (hey Jen!) pointed out to me that I haven't posted since September 11. It wasn't until then that it occurred to me that I posted Dish Drainer Jenga on that day. Talk about weird! I posted a picture of a tower of dishes that were sure to collapse and titled it with a trademark game name that is all about trying to keep the tower standing. Come on, that's a little freaky!

OK, wait, it also just ocurred to me that the way we found out about the towers collapsing was from Jen! She was in Africa working and finding her first baby... and e-mailed or instant messaged questions about the towers- we did not have a clue until then. Jen, what else are you connected to?

I haven't been keeping up with my reading of Blogs or writing- I've been feeling neglectful on both counts.

Yesterday, was day two of wicked PMS- Käri was driving me crazy, the kids nutty, the house... low patience, cranky, sleepy... however, dinner still needed to be made. I had found some recipes over at Pioneer Woman Cooks- most especially her chocolate cake and had been wanting to try it. Not exactly dinner, but it was still early enough in the afternoon that I could accomplish both. I made Kär some stuffed red bell peppers from a recipe I found online (pretty yummy) and the kids and I had BLT's, or really Bacon and toast- who am I kidding? One child had lettuce on her sandwich with the bacon... And of course the chocolate cake (which was, as promised really, really fabulous- especially still warm and gooey).

It wasn't until later, that I realized that I felt better- not so cranky, not so impatient. When I mentioned it this evening Käri pointed out that cooking is a creative outlet for me. Something I need and don't get enough of... like blogging. So, I'm going to make more of an effort to capture the time and write the nonsense and the drivel of my life.
I promise- to me.

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Dish Drainer Jenga

Which one to pick first?

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Politics

I have been following a conversation over at RSG. Politics.

The Republicans sure have been successful in getting Palin's name all over the place. I have a hard time believing that that wasn't part of the goal in choosing her...

Here's my comment- it was kind of long...

I’ve read these last two posts, slowly, over the last two days. I’m a left wing democrat from California, so reading is a struggle for me, plus I’m lazy, being a liberal and all.

It has nothing to do with the fact that I am raising eight children under the age of 12- five of whom we have adopted from the foster care system. Because yes, we do know where children come from, and we are acting responsibly, thank you very much. And we would make a better t.v. show than John and Kate, as a commenter recently suggested. (However, this would probably be a good time to admit, we haven’t seen the show) I could be convinced to live with a film crew and exploit my children, and “lifestyle” for a few years in order to pay for a college education for each of my children. Producers are calling day and night to sign us up. We just can’t decide which network.

We choose to have one parent stay at home for a variety of reasons- and try and make do on one teacher’s salary. Shall we throw education into the discussion here? Let's not.

Family values… I too, would have to agree that children belong with their family- whether that be birth family or otherwise. AND wholeheartedly believe that it is each family’s choice to have their children cared for by others or not.

I would assume SP wanted a career and a family. She’s got both. Same for Obama. Kids garner votes- every politician flaunts them if they’ve got’em. As for Trig? Well, my drug affected kids had needs, we met them as best as we could, while also dealing with the other needs of the family. You can’t ignore everybody else for one or two.

A government supported family leave program and childcare? How is that not supporting families? Thus supporting family values?

Also, SP on the democratic ticket? with left wing policies? same family??? I’m thinking Bethany has a point. She’d be lauded for holding her family together while chasing her dream and helping the country.

As far as her 17 year old being pregnant. I’m not sure what parent could have stopped that from happening. Values, and politics aside. 17 year old girls have been getting pregnant all on their own for a long time now and it doesn’t seem to be wholly dependent on a parent remaining home or not.

With all of that said- Obama gets my vote. I like his politics better. Period.

I can’t be bothered with who leaves their kids, or moves them. Which church they go to or don’t . Muslim, Protestant, Male, Female, Brown, White, Bald or a Full Head of Hair, Married, Divorced, Widowed, POW, Veteran, Gay, Straight, Monogomous, or not… I’m looking at their politics.

I'm not voting for McCain, so I don't really care much about Palin and don't want to waste a whole lot of negative energy bashing her or anybody else. What's the point?

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I'm It

Six Things about me that I haven't shared before?

1. A long time ago I did something(s) that could be considered either a misdemeanor or a felony- depending on the discretion of the court. It was a folly of youth. I was under age and I never got caught. I am assuming that the statute of limitations has run out.

2. Along those same lines...I used to go to traffic court (all those speeding tickets- opps) as a minor and represent myself even though you were supposed to have a parent bring you. It surprises me a little that I had the huevos to do that.

3. I was in love with a girl in high school, but didn't recognize it until a few years later.

4. I came very close to losing my virginity when I was in seventh grade- but then didn't until I was 18. (Does that count as two things? I think it does.) and 5.

6. Criminy... I'm pretty much an open book and am having a hard time thinking of something that I haven't written about before... This evening I ignored my dirty kitchen to spend time on my computer sipping a cocktail before the bedtime madness.

Will that do?

It's going to have to, because now the bedtime flurry has begun. Two down, six to go... And the kitchen waits!


I'll tag: Zipntizzy, Lelo, Sheesha, Laurie (NJAC) and Jody (ABM6).

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Knowing and Wondering

I finished a book yesterday.

I love to read, but often don't make the time. One of the problems I find is that once I've started I don't want to put the book down- even when my children need something. I also get perturbed if I am interrupted while reading a book. It's not as bad if I'm reading a blog or magazine article- perhaps it has something to do with the length of the book or a deeper level of thought and involvement- on my part- when I'm reading a novel.

I try to read at night, but am often too tired. I'll hold the book in my hands as I'm laying in bed, with my bedside lamp on, and then roll over, put the book down, and turn off the light. All without even turning a page.

The last couple of months I've made a renewed effort and have been successful in finishing several books. I alternate between trash and worthwhile stuff. I love Maeve Binchy, Belva Plain and Pat Conroy, Anne Lamott, and Sue Monk Kidd.

Yesterday, while supervising the clean up of the family room (one of these days I'll remember to take a before and after picture), I finished Forever Lily. I wasn't thrilled with the style. The writer told her story interspersed with many dreams. The dreams were part of the story, but I got to the point that while I knew they were significant, I just wanted to skip them to keep reading the story.

Beth Russell describes her trip to the Chinese orphanage in anguishing detail. The babies two to a crib, lying silently, in row after row; the older ones bundled thickly and bound in a sitting position in a chair, lining the hallway. Most of them girls. Waiting. Some waiting for families, some waiting to die. They don't cry because they know it doesn't get their needs met.

It's not a surprise that the author ends up with the baby. It is clear throughout the story that she and the baby were destined to be together.

I finished the book, knowing that this is why we have eight kids. It is destiny. It is our path. I don't think we are done yet- and that is why I keep say never say never. I'm not attracted to babies just because they are cute and vulnerable, begging to be held and cared for. It's because I am supposed to be there for them.

Even today, as I am whiny and cranky from not having enough 'me time', I realize that it's true. Even after a trip to the local doc in a box on Saturday, at bedtime for a two year old's bladder infection, and after Grace vomited at Applebee's (we left a very big tip) last night. Even after I finally pulled up the piece of carpeting, in the closet, that Abe had used as his own personal litter box. Even after I look forward to sleeping all night long. I wonder when the next phone call will come. I wonder if we will say yes, again.

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