If I know you, and you're reading this blog, you have two choices:

1) Feel free to pretend you haven't, should the contents be offensive, sensitive in nature, or just TMI (Too Much Information).
2) Comment freely or talk to me face to face, and be prepared for further honesty and opinions.

Okay? Okay.

Jul 24, 2008

Beastly Breast Bashing (couldn't resist...)

Waiting with five other women. About to bare breasts. A club, am intimate club. You'd think there would be more camaraderie, a bit of nodding, smiling. There is none. Surprising that we read our magazines, check our email, write this.

Each woman takes their own seat, one away from the other, of course. Only when every other seat is taken do the other seats begin to fill, carefully chosen, who to sit next to, but not look at or touch. We wait to be squished, bras and shirts folded carefully on the chair, bras tucked underneath, hidden.

I want to question the women emerging. Did it hurt as much as last time? Your breast squeezed between two plates. Did you pay the five bucks for the soft pad? Did it really help? Squished with softness...

I adorn my pink paper vest, listen to the woman repeat "there's a vest on the back of the chair, did you wear any powder, lotion or deodorant today, okay please undress from the waist up and wait right here, someone will be with you in a minute." How many times a day does she repeat that?

New machines, all digital, now the old machines have been retired. I wait, listen, type. There's a mirror so we can examine our reflection in the pink vest, sharp shoulders, the new shoulder pads?
Damn, I wish I had my camera.

My turn.

Done now. Squished complete. Didn't hurt as much as last time. Even though I didn't pay the extra $5 for the soft pad. Wonder what it will feel like next year?

Off for the blood draw. Make sure all the butter isn't raising my cholesterol.


Sheesha said...

OMG! So funny. You are right on with your thoughts! Last year I came away with way too many bruises. Not so much this year and she had to do one side again. I also thought the tech was way more friendly this time:)....

FearandParentinginLasVegas said...

Reading this reminds me of the fact that I got out of my first mammo because I was nursing. I really don't want to, but I know I have to.

Loved your writing. Rarely do I get such a visceral reaction to what I read online.

Pass the butter sister. A hard artery is a strong arter, right?

Maggie said...

Oh my. My doctor has been getting after me to have my first one done so we have a baseline when the time comes for them to be done regularly. I'm so not looking forward to it.

Tricia said...


You Must!
But you knew that already didn't you?

Her Bad Mother said...

Squished boobs. Never fun.

laurie said...

You have to pay extra for the soft pads? Ouch!! I love your blog and your writing. I also loved hanging out with you at the unconference. I will be a regular visitor here for sure.

Cindy said...

Yeah, the squishing is no good, but it totally beats having the whole thing cut off. Trust me on this, and keep up the self-exams as well.