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Apr 18, 2007

Right Wing Thinking

Dear Anonymous,

We are blessed with a beautiful family. Most of our children came from foster care. I am thankful for their lives and cannot imagine how we got to be so lucky.

Jack is #6 from his birth mother and at least that from his birth father- as far as we know. All of his birth siblings are involved in the foster care system.

Mia and Abe are #5 and #6 from their birth mother. I don't know the birth father's information. Two of their birth siblings are adopted by a relative. One of them was diagnosed with mental retardation and autism. After much intervention, counseling and stability, the thought is that much of his issues are due to the abuse and neglect that he suffered and witnessed. The other has significant social issues. Of the other two, one is in long term foster care, deemed "unadoptable". And the oldest is living with a relative after his long term foster care situation could no longer tolerate the killing of animals and fire setting. We know he was the victim of sexual abuse before the age of three. All six of these children witnessed drug abuse and were exposed to multiple drugs, instability, filth, hunger, domestic violence, etc.

Julia is also #6. The other five birth siblings have been placed in the care of a relative, whom CPS and State Adoptions claims is "marginal". We are aware that the birth parents have tried to abduct them at least once and the police were called. There is a long history of drug use by both birth parents. We have heard that mom is pregnant with #7.

Ruby is # 1. Her birth mother was seventeen when she gave birth. There was no prenatal care, she was homeless, and disclosed i.v. methamphetamine use daily during pregnancy as well as alcohol, marijuana, and nicotine. We have been told her birth father resides in Mexico. Ruby was also born with a very rare metabolic disorder that can kill her if not properly managed- and even then could kill her. Her birth mother and father are carriers for this disease, it is a genetic disorder. The birth parents are unaware of this due to birth mother's addiction and subsequent disappearance.

Each adoption is weighed with sadness. Sadness for the child, sadness for the birth parents.

Each birth mother is under the age of 32. Only one is unable to have more children.

I worked with children, ages 5-12, in a residential treatment center. These kids were placed in a treatment center because they were unable to remain in foster care due to their extreme behaviors. Fire setters, sexual offenders (yes, at age 5), violence towards others, suicidal, runners, etc. Each child had a horrific history filled with details to difficult to imagine. I cannot remember exact numbers anymore, but these children had been through multiple, multiple, foster placements.

Here's where I come from.

Some of these children survive, many do not. And of those that do- a hugely significant amount of them establish the same patterns of their birth parents and the cycle is repeated.

You, I assume, are one that has "made it". I admire and respect that. Truly. I hope that you, your sib's, and mother are well.

I do not wish that you, or your siblings, were not born.

Sincerely,

Tricia

6 comments:

Maria said...

I'm blog hopping and have really found your blog to be interesting. That so rarely happens when I blog hop. I mean, I usually find the blog that talks about how drunk they got the previous night or why they hate their lawn.

Yours was worth the read. Thanks for giving me an enjoyable half hour.

And...yes...you hit the nail right on the head with that post.

MommyNay said...

Tricia,

I dont have any comments about this post specifically but I'd wanted to "think out loud" for sec. I know your posting this info here as a means of supporting your oppinion but if I remember right this is all info we arent supposed to disclose about foster children currently in the system..including photos etc. Im only mentioning this because I know of a few fosterparents at fosterparents.com who actually had kids removed from their homes for posting pictures of their fosterchild online and sharing too much info about the case. Anyway hope I didnt offend...
I for one happen to *love* seeing pictures of your babies and I personally cant wait until my adoptions are final so that I too can share pictures of the beautiful babies I have been blessed with.

Tricia said...

All but two, are final- and the babies are weeks away.

However, you are absolutely correct- and I know better. I tried to leave out most identifying details, but you're still right. And the pictures... not too mention I list where I live- yeesh, maybe I need to be more careful.

Thanks.

Tricia

P.S. I have noticed what a fabulous job you do to keep yours unidentifiable.

Tracey said...

Tricia,
It's something that most of the world doesn't want to think about... foster care, abused children, children recovering from abuse... There's not much that's nice or pretty about it. But you have given beautiful, loving stories about your children that I hope will help even one mother make the right choice for her child... be it foster care/adoption/or family counselling.

MommyNay said...

Wow Tricia I had no idea you were so close to completing the babies adoptions! How EXCITING Im jealous! Emily came to us almost 1year ago(she had already been in care for 29months at the point she came to us) her bio's had been MIA with no visits or services for 28 of those months and we JUST got TPR and hope the adoption will be completed within the next year. Jealous jealous jealous I am. But also HAPPY for you! I hope you share pictures of teh big day! Will you adopt them both on the same day?

sweatpantsmom said...

Thank you for sharing this. You're remarkable for opening your lives to these children and giving them such a rich life.

What an inspiration.