But also a personal need. In my previous working life, I was part of a team. There was the camaraderie, the bickering, the challenges, the learning, the "professionalism"... And as I write this, I see that I do have many of these things as a stay at home parent, most especially the bickering! ;) I guess I don't deny that. It's just a different sense of being. I wouldn't want to trade in the stay at home part. It is just the other part calls me too. The being seen as a "professional", being respected in that role. I was good at what I did. I liked it. I miss it. I enjoyed the people I worked with- an eclectic group. (Troubled kids bring in a wide variety of people...)Not everyone has that kind of luck.
I am fortunate that I am able to stay home. I like this too. I still get to work with kids. Just at a different level, a personal level, which in many ways makes the job harder, and easier. I no longer have to make decisions about other peoples kids- just my own.
I miss the team. I miss the interaction of many individuals working towards the same goal. I miss the money.
How to fill that?
And yes, MommyNay, there are those seeds. I love helping these babies. But seriously, how many can we keep? How good is it for them to move on to another adoptive home after 6, 8, 10 months. Every child who has left our care has joined a parent, grandparent, aunt. Predestined. These infants, children, come and they are our family. To terminate that bond...willingly, well, we haven't gotten there, yet. And I worry, worry about the outsiders who cluck their tongues and shake their heads because we "have too many", and we "just do it for the money", and "the ones they have don't get enough attention".
We have a lot, and they are little, and they don't all get what they need all the time, and sometimes they drive me to drink. And we love them.
And there is a need. There are other foster families. I have seen them. We don't all parent the same or treat them the same- Enough said.
We love these children. They are ours, briefly or forever. We are good at this.
Awfully heavy for a Tuesday morning... Forgive the writing errors- it all just spewed out- and there it is. Publish Post.
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1 comment:
I just have to comment again. I am really there. Sometimes I really feel sorry for myself about it too. I get the I should feel blessed to stay home blah blah blah blah...but lets leave that at the door for a minute. There is very little about being a stay at home mom that is very glamorous. I am up to my elbows in diapers and spit up and laundry and toys and noise and very little adult interaction that is unrelated to my children, iep's, receptionists at the Dr's office yes its US again...it goes on and on and I know you know what I mean. I call working mom friend's at their offices sometimes just to hear a grown up voice and then I hear the office chatter and the lunch invites and the friendly dozen of donuts being passed around, and like I said, I feel sorry for myself. I don't mean to turn this into a self serving bitch fest....
I miss the opportunity to get dressed and go to work, to be good at something that doesn't require the maintenance of my child's bodily fluids. Sometimes I get over myself in a very productive way. And sometimes I do what I did two weekends ago. I got dressed up with too much makeup to look like anything other than a desperate suburban housewife and I hint a local gay club--population age 24 and under only--get the picture? I had a blast and this has little to do with the stimulation of gainful employment--but it had nothing to do with being a mom and everything to do with me being MORE. I am more, and finding that balance is so so challenging.
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